Category Archives: Relationships

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Hearing What They’re Saying

Dog

Dog Hearing What Theyre Saying

I just had to laugh when I saw this cartoon. The amount of situations I have been in during my life that have turned out badly, just because of miscommunication. I can’t even begin to count them.

Isn’t it funny how we think that we have been clear when we’ve said something to someone else and yet they respond in a way that completely mystifies us? We have a clear idea of what we said, so why don’t they? Yet when someone says something to us, and we respond in a certain way, we can’t understand why they don’t get it.

I can just see the man looking at the police officer and saying, “but it says no parking, not no peeing.” Yet the policeman is adamant that something has been done that is wrong.

We can get so caught up in our version of what we think is right, that we don’t even see it from the other person’s point of view. I caught myself looking at my husband the other day and saying, “Don’t you think we should quickly put the recycling out before it gets dark?”

He responded by saying that he thought that would be a good idea. I waited for half an hour and the recycling still hadn’t been taken out, so I decided to just get on and do it myself. By this time however, I was in a mood and was putting the recycling away in the noisiest possible way possible. I was clunking glasses and smashing cans and folding newspapers – all the while making disgruntled noises loud enough for the neighbours to hear!

There was absolutely no mistaking that I was not happy doing this recycling. Doesn’t he understand by now that taking the recycling out is his job? I fold it up neatly all through the week as I clean up, but it’s his job to take it out and put it on the curb ready for collection on Monday morning.

By the time I’d almost broken some of the glass and looked like a recycling plant all by myself, he eventually looked up at me and with a quizzical look on his face said, “Why are you making so much noise? Is something wrong?”

Well, by this time, I was ready to knock him over the head with one of the glass jars. He finally realised that maybe he should be helping me with the recycling and got up from his chair and duly carried out all the organised piles of glass, plastic and paper.

While he was outside putting it on the curb, I had a chance to calm down and reflect on why I had got so upset. According to me, I had quite clearly hinted that the recycling should be put out before dark. He had agreed. So, why was I upset?

Well, it was rapidly growing dark and I know that he doesn’t like to take the recycling out when it’s dark. So, my anxiety level was rising the closer to dusk that it got, because I knew that I would have to take out the recycling if it was dark and he had not yet done it. I then started thinking about the fact that I was the one that washed and cleaned and packed the recycling all through the week and all he has to do is the one task of taking it out on a Sunday night. I was starting to make up self pitying excuses in my head for why I was justified in my anger. He, on the other hand, was blissfully unaware of the whole argument that was brewing in my head. By the time he came to and noticed that something was wrong, I was in full flow.

Now if I had taken the time to clearly state that I would like to take the recycling out now, because it was getting dark. He would have had clear instructions and a clear indication of what I was asking him to do. I was talking in a way that was trying to “pretty it up” so that he would get up and do the recycling, and in the meantime, all he needed was a clear ask.

He was really bemused by the fact that I had got so upset about merely taking out the recycling, and after I had calmed down a little, I began to see the funny side of it too. A few hours later, I asked him how he would like to be reminded about taking out the recycling, so that it didn’t sound like nagging and I didn’t have to get anxious about the encroaching dusk. He looked at me and simply said, “just ask if we can take out the recycling now and I will respond with either a “yes” or a “can you remind me in half an hour?”

By sitting down and talking the whole thing through, we had come up with a way that could help both of us to understand what was really happening around the issue of taking out the recycling. We had come up with a plan to make it as stress free, simple and easy as it really should be.

Is there a way that you and someone with whom you are in relationship are miscommunicating at the moment? Maybe you could ask them how they would like to be talked to about a certain situation, so that no stress or miscommunication happens.

I have decided that I would far prefer to have a calm and quiet Sunday evening, than getting upset about such a little thing again. How about you?

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What choice will you make?

Gold Choice tick

9690133 s 150x150 What choice will you make?
When I choose to let go of past bad behaviour, I will make a better impact on the lives in my wake as I walk in new, good behaviours.

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‘On Air’

On Air

9557039 s 150x150 On AirThis is the type of sign that is often above the door of a radio studio. When the light is on, it means that a live broadcast is going out and the presenter mustn’t be disturbed as they’re focussed on the task at hand.

I’m reading the excellent book ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ by John Gray and it’s really striking me how important it is to have time to focus on our relationships. There’s a time and a place to shut the door and focus just on each other. No distractions. No interruptions. Just one on one quality time.

Go on, make a deal with your partner to have that special time regularly, and you will see your relationship go from strength to strength.

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Inspiring People

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If you have an inspiring person in your life – thank them today!

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What Friends Are For…

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We all need a helping hand when we’re in a dark place – be that helping hand to someone today!

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The Magic Word That Makes Things Happen

Thanks

Thanks 150x99 The Magic Word That Makes Things HappenYou can type any combination of letters on a computer keyboard in order to formulate a message, but the key on the keyboard that submits that message to the world, is the ‘Enter’ key.

Just like the enter key is the key that makes things happen on your keyboard; the word ‘Thanks’ is the word that makes things happen in real life.

Show your gratitude often and you’ll grease the wheels of your life.

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What makes your heart sing?

cleaning

cleaning 150x100 What makes your heart sing?I must admit that I don’t generally have a look on my face like this lady does, when I’m cleaning my house.

It is a job that I do because we’d actually get physically ill if I didn’t do it, but it is definitely NOT something I enjoy.

I used to work with a lady that took a week’s annual leave just to do her Spring cleaning … and I am still amazed by that when I think of her doing it.

‘Different Strokes for Different Folks’ as my Mom used to say. Each of us has things that we love to do and things that we hate doing.

This, I guess, is the lesson. Even though someone else’s likes and dislikes are most certainly not like ours, we can appreciate our differences anyway.

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Is the Fairytale dead?

Union Jack

Union Jack 150x100 Is the Fairytale dead?As the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton approaches, I have a question to ask you.

Is the fairytale of a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of wedded bliss – dead?

I, for one, sincerely hope not! Having been married for 15 years to a man who is my complete opposite, I can truly say that with a touch of hope, a willingness to work at it and a determination to see it through no matter what may come, I believe that the fairytale can be kept very much alive.

As human beings, we are created to be in relationship with one another. To make a vow to love, cherish, honour an obey each other until death do you part is a wonderful opportunity to develop a deep bond with another. The journey is often very tough, filled with character refining moments and sometimes a good dose of bullheaded determination is needed in order to survive.

It certainly requires the willingness to forgive and forget and to give another chance.

There is definitely going to need to be some healthy compromise involved, but with that comes the forging of new common standards of behaviour and agreed baseline expectations.

Marriage is definitely not easy, but it is really simple. And the rewards, in my opinion, make the effort worthwhile.

If you haven’t yet read this book then I highly recommend it to you. It helped save my marriage and keeps it good.

The Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman - Click here to view

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Love, on purpose!

DSC02801 300x200 Love, on purpose!

I read an absolutely fantastic book called ‘The Five Love Languages’ a couple of years ago. The Author, Gary Chapman,  puts forward the theory that we each give and receive love in one of 5 ways:

  • Acts of service
  • Physical Touch
  • Receiving of Gifts
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time

My primary way of receiving love is ‘Acts of Service’ and my daughter knows this. So, today, she cut up the beautiful plate of fruit in the picture and came and gave it to me for lunch!

Now, the beautiful point to this story is that she doesn’t get the big deal about ‘Acts of Service’ because her Love Language is totally different to mine. However, she made the effort to love me in a way that I like to be loved – and it worked a treat.

Make the effort to love people in the way they like to be loved today. Take the free quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com and start ‘loving, on purpose’!

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The Power of Appreciation

Appreciate

Appreciate 150x112 The Power of AppreciationMy husband works on huge servers that look like the ones in this picture. All through our marriage he has come home and excitedly explained the intricacies and amazing capabilities of UNIX and I have sat patiently and listened and nodded my head at (what I hope are) the appropriate places. His enthusiasm for what he does is really infectious.

Even though I mostly don’t have the faintest idea about the detail of what he does on a day to day basis, I really appreciate what he does. He has a natural love and gifting in the area of computers and I most certainly don’t. I can see though that my appreciation of his love and gift, gives him a sense of value and pride in his skill and in his ability to go out and make a difference, every day.

So, even though you may not understand or share someone’s love of what they do, taking the time to appreciate it in them can be a wonderful way of showing them love.

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Laugh a little

laugh

laugh 118x150 Laugh a littleOne day I got home before my husband did and I was quietly relaxing in our flat. All of a sudden a voice broke though the quiet announcing, in a very loud and clear voice

“The time is now 4 o’clock and I am watching you!”

Can you see it? I’m all alone in our flat, it’s quiet and all of a sudden a voice tells me the correct time and that it’s watching me! Sounds like a scene from a thriller doesn’t it?

Well, as you can imagine, I froze! My eyes were like saucers and my breathing was almost non-existent. After what seemed like an eternity, I then suddenly heard someone laughing…and it was coming from underneath our bed!!!!!

I don’t quite remember how I reacted but you can imagine that I was now so pumped full of adrenaline that I’m about to pop. Slowly a pair of feet began to emerge from under the bed, and the more I saw, the more I began to recognise my husband. By the time he emerged fully, he was just about wetting himself with laughter.

I was so mad that I tried very hard to beat him up but he was laughing so much that I couldn’t help it and started laughing too. I tell you though – that was nearly the beginning of the end. Phew.

Today, on April Fool’s Day, have some fun and laugh (but don’t be surprised if someone chases you down the street as you laugh)

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