Confident Motherhood – Day 4

Characteristics of a ‘Good’ Mum


What are the characteristics of a ‘good’ Mum? What a difficult question to answer!
If I may, I’m going to take a stab at what I try to do in my own mothering journey.

I try to be loving.
I know, I know, it’s not always easy. Sometimes you just want to ship them all off to Alaska for a week, just so you can get some rest. In my experience things go a lot smoother when I take the time to calm myself down and concentrate on my child and what she needs at any given moment. When I show her that I love her and that I am taking time out to care about what she’s going through, the whole atmosphere calms down and we’re able to handle the situation far better than when tempers are hot or emotions high.

I set guidelines and boundaries for which there are consequences when crossed.
It’s the strangest thing, but when my daughter starts acting up, I know that she’s asking me to remind her about our boundaries. When she was little she would have a tantrum until I reminded her in a stern voice of what the rules were regarding what she wanted. As soon as she realised that she couldn’t cross that boundary without consequence, she settled right down and, even though there was still a sulky face for a while, things soon were back to normal. Kids feel truly loved when there are parameters that are set in place, explained in love and maintained with firmness.

I try to be honest.
It was difficult at first, but I learned this great lesson when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. For the first time in our relationship, I was not able to ‘positive think’ my way out of feeling bad and my daughter and I were both shocked. I had to learn to be able to say to her that I wasn’t able to make her sandwiches for school or even tuck her into bed at night. The most amazing thing came out of the whole experience though. I learned that it’s OK to admit when I need to go and have a sleep in the middle of the afternoon (and not feel guilty about it) and she learned that Mummy needs down time sometimes too. When she learned to be OK with this, she flourished. Allow yourself to be angry in front of your children, but then show them how you cope, because they will learn that how you cope with difficult feelings (and good ones) is a life skill to be learned!

I have taught my self to be forgiving.
Forgive quickly and easily. It does nobody any good to carry a grudge or sulk for a period of time. Deal with the action that needs to be forgiven. Talk it though calmly (even if you need to go and calm down first and talk about it later). Deal with the consequences and then let it go.


· Take note of the 4 points above and try to be loving, set boundaries, be honest and forgiving every day (and forgive yourself if you slip up! Just try again tomorrow and celebrate your victories)

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