The way you make me feel

 The way you make me feelAs I’ve observed relationships in not only my own life, but in the lives of those around me, I have noticed a fundamental truth in all of them.

Why is it that we’ll see a gorgeous woman, happily married to a plain man? How come some girls have more guy friends than girl friends? Why do we feel so ecstatically good when we’re in love and so suicidal when we’re not?

Whatever your view, there is one thing about which we all agree – we all need love!

Every single person needs to be loved and to show love in return; it’s a need that is interwoven into the fabric of our being.

So, it doesn’t seem to all hinge on physical looks. Neither does it seem like it’s all about money, social status or power. So, if staying in love is really not about looks, money, social status or power – contrary to everything we see in the media – then what IS it all about?

Well, you know what it feels like when you come home and your dog greets you at the door. It’s an amazing reaction - like they haven’t seen you in a  month. What about when you’re just falling in love and she looks at you across a crowded room. Or the look in the eyes of your teenager when you’ve stayed up with them until the small hours talking about their relationship break up. And the deep gratitude you feel when someone helps you up when you fall – and they don’t laugh like everyone else.

All of these scenarios have one thing in common – the people felt safe in the space of one another. They knew that the most precious possession they have – their heart – was safe.

Think about that for a moment.

Think about the relationships that you love and how you feel when you’re in that person’s space. Are you able to tell them anything? Can you trust them to keep your secrets? Will they stay up with you when you’re feeling sick and will they not only take your call but really listen to you when you ring at 3 o’ clock in the morning? With them, your heart is safe.

When you’re with people who purposefully belittle and make fun of you; when someone talks about you behind your back or when it feels like they can’t be bothered to hug you when you’re feeling down – you know your heart isn’t safe with them.

Our hearts are amazingly perceptive when it comes to this issue. Have you ever felt like you’ve known someone for years and you’ve only just met. Or what about the really funny feeling you get when the hair on the back of your neck stands up when you meet someone and you just know there’s something not right. That’s when we say someone is charming or creepy, friendly or antagonistic. You just ‘feel’ it.

So, the key is to look at and ask how people perceive you. Ask your friends as well as those who don’t seem to like or get on with you. “How do I make you feel when you’re with me and talking to me? Does it seem like you can trust me? Does it feel like I care about you and what matters to you? ”

Everywhere you identify that you don’t make someone feel safe, look at what you feel about that person. What are the issues that come up in your heart when you think about them? How do you feel when you’re around them?

Look at what is going on inside of you when you interact with them.This exercise will provide you with wonderful insights into how you can find healing for the issues which you carry. When they’re brought to light and you’ve worked through those issues, you will find that you can now look at people through the eyes of a healed and safe heart. One of the fundamentals of this exercise is to get to the place where your OWN heart is safe, so that you can now be a safe place for other people’s hearts.

When this happens, your relationships will be sweet and wonderful. You’ll be able to see things from other people’s perspective and love them to a place of wholeness.

Then when someone looks at you and asks the question “Is my herart safe with you?” You will be able to answer with a resounding “YES!”

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